St Augustine Adventures: Day 2

Day Two was a perfect one. We spent countless hours by the beach and pool and caught up with "Aunt Mandy" and Mister Tony (Mister Joni to Landree) and Tyler. It was a perfect time for me to sit back and soak in the memories and capture some simple shots of the beach. While many love going in town and exploring while soaking in the incredible dining scene, I love just simply sitting on the beach and watching my little family fall in love with this incredible beach all over again. PS. The town is amazing too, but sweating with a 3 year old can be a rough job.

I started off the morning on the patio. I didn't want to wake anyone so I snuck out the front door to watch the sunrise from the patio. Although it's not as beautiful as some of the others I captured, I was amazing just to breathe for a moment before the chaos started. Our new room at Ocean Gallery definitely didn't disappoint.

Before too long came the clack, clack of our 3 year old daughter, Landree Grace. She wanted to come out and have mommy daughter time. How can I resist?? We decided to create a new tradition to have a mommy daughter date in the mornings with homemade cookies and coffee. She literally was thrilled and I think that we will keep this tradition going for years to come. I made this recipe this time from the site "The Girl who ate everything" and it was awesome! Give it a try! Soft Chocolate Chip Cookies

When Erick/Daddy woke up, we decided to venture out to the beach before Aunt Mandy came for a quick visit. (Please, please stay for awhile next year?) We came across beautiful skies and our amazing friend Mikey out fishing. Erick and Mikey have formed a wonderful friendship and he is such a strong, Christian role model for him. God truly led us to the right place!

Three minutes on the beach and we came across our first Ohio State Fans. Typically, anywhere we go one of us is wearing something Ohio State. And, sometimes we are unintentionally matching. Erick gets so thrilled when he hears that first "O H!" Landree even yelled back and I caught a couple pictures of her telling the dolphins good morning, and O H! 

After our quick walk, Landree and Erick headed for the pool and I headed to make breakfast, which, I promptly forgot to capture, but you need to try it! This Tator Tot Breakfast Casserole is delicious and it served us for two days! (Chew out Loud Cheesy Tator Tot Bake) At that point, Aunt Mandy arrived. We scarfed breakfast and may have gotten into the New Sarum Brewing Dunn's Mountain Cucumber Kolsch we brought.... hey, we are at the beach... and its 5 o'clock somewhere... ok or 930am.  We spent lots of time with Aunt Mandy before she had to leave for Orlando. Landree's song obsession is "da dip" so she had to learn to dance like Mandy. So fun! 

After Mandy left, Erick's friends from back in Ohio came for a visit. Tyler and Tony live in Jacksonville so we have been blessed to have them visit both years we have visited. The kids had so much fun making castles, chasing in the ocean, hauling water, and just having a great time. Did I mention how wonderful this beach is?

Erick is SUCH an amazing father.

When we were at the pool, I could hear people start yelling and making a commotion. I look behind me and see this little friend slithering right behind me... Eww. I didn't actually move off my chair in panic, but if I would have known we were near a poisonous snake habitat I may have moved more quickly.

We were so bummed when Tony and Tyler went home and Landree insisted she wasn't tired. Our friends invited us to have dinner with them, but my mommy gut said, NOPE. Abort mission. Well, that lasted about 5 minutes. She was OUT!

Two hours later, she was still zonked.  Our amazing friends sent up some of their dinner as our appetizer. To say that Jana is an amazing chef is an understatement. This Salmon and Rice was delicious. Can we get an invite next year pretty please? If any of you are visiting Fernandina Beach, you need to visit her at Ms.Carolyn's. The cake ya'll the cake... more of that later in the week.

Erick and I decided to just make dinner together and finish up the day with a nice bottle of wine (thanks mom!) on the patio. It was the perfect ending to the day. The shrimp here? It was the shrimp from the seafood market from yesterday!

Until tomorrow friends... 

St Augustine Adventures: Day 1 (GA BBQ, Ocean Gallery, and Creekside Dinery)

The Hartley's are back from another adventure. We packed it full of laughter, memories, ocean waves, and friend/family time. We have had SO many requests from friends and family on how we travel so much, on a budget and what we do.... so here it is! I'll share a day at a time of what our travels are like in Hartley world!

First off, St. Augustine has become "our place." Our place that we go to to regroup and to just sink our toes in the sand. We have truly fallen in love with it. I can't picture a more perfect spot.

Let the St. Augustine adventures begin.

We took off from our house at about 5:30am. We had planned on 5, but well... life happens. We had to make 3 stops in the first 5 hours. Word to the wise, no protein shakes and coffee when you travel. I was the reason for the pee breaks!

We made it to our first stop, St. Simons Island, GA. This area has a special place in my heart without ever setting foot there. My grandma used to go there every year on vacation and she had always raved about it. I was so excited to finally see what she saw, even if it was only for a couple hours. For lunch, we chose Southern Soul Barbecue. I had heard about it on Food Network and it was one of the highest rated restaurants in that area on Yelp. We also knew that we would be eating seafood all week, so we decided to try something different. It definitely didn't disappoint. It was voted "Best BBQ In the South!"

As we were arriving we passed it the first time. It's in an unassuming spot that used to be gas station, but once you drive up and see the line out the door and the people sitting outsize, it's hard to miss.

Needless to say, it's been on a lot of shows, and we understood why. The lines were long so we ended up getting our food to go. We tried to go eat at that beach, but since it was nearing 100 degrees, we decided to pull into the parking lot of our next stop and picnic. 

The brisket was my absolute favorite. Incredible smoke ring, just the right amount of fat and oh... that Sweet Georgia Soul Barbecue Sauce people rave about? It's legit. I could have drank the stuff and literally was licking the drippings off my arm. Buy it. Drink it. Savor it.

We ended up getting a pork and brisket and splitting it. The pork was definitely delish, but anyone that knows me know I'm a brisket girl!

The mac n cheese was good, but the brisket definitely outshined it by far.

Slathered with the Sweet Georgia Sauce,,, mmmmm good. 

Our next stop was the St. Simons Seafood. Prior to leaving, it crossed my mind that nothing was going to be open on Sunday for seafood (and Lord knows... when we go to the beach, we eat seafood EVERY SINGLE NIGHT) so we decided to stop here and put it in our cooler. The owner BJ was so sweet to us and Landree and helped us make a great decision on some ultra fresh Georgia shrimp that I forgot to take a picture of. They were HUGE!!! So glad we stopped there.

On the road again we go... the last two hours of our trip down 95 to St. Augustine were a breeze. Landree fell asleep and it was a peaceful trip.  When we pulled in, Erick told me to take her to the beach and let her roam for a little bit while he unpacked. How could I pass that up? 

 I walked over the dunes and there it was. The beautiful powdery sand in all it's glory. I sighed and took in the salty air. 

I captured Landree staring at the ocean and simply saying... thank you Jesus!

We made it back up to the room and of course, I cracked one of these bad boys.  Vacation had finally begun. 

We have an amazing unit at The Ocean Gallery. The owner is absolutely fabulous and does everything she can to make it an amazing experience. Her condo is simple and cozy. We are actually going back again next year. Here are a couple shots from our condo... 

 You can tell that I snapped after Erick started bringing stuff in!!!

We went for a quick dip in the pool and knew we had to wrap it up to go to dinner. We ended up at an amazing spot called Creekside Dinery. I found it on Yelp and it was known to be a place where the locals go. We made a great pick! Our server was absolutely incredible and I'm pretty sure Landree was flirting...

It has the most laid back, wonderful atmosphere. They even do call ahead.

Over the edge of the patio are these little friends. They are so crazy and stand up waiting for food. Landree said the baby was her friend. 

We did find out they don't care for garlic bread or lemons...

The most beautiful, peaceful view. 

So, I completely forgot to get a picture of Erick's dinner. Landree was getting a little busy. She split food with Erick and I. These were incredible rock shrimp, potatoes and beans. Erick had a seafood platter (all grilled) of crabcake, mahi, shrimp, and something I just can't remember. Even the beans were delish!

We ended the night out on the patio. It had just rained and the band was playing again. Landree met a new friend (the lady in the black) and she had a great time listened to the music. Overall, a successful dinner!

Day 2 coming soon!

It's Not Over Yet : Praying Through the Storm

When we first found out we were pregnant, we never really told Landree. She just kinda found out through conversation. In the months prior, she prayed for a sibling every day after finding out Mrs. Melody was going to have babies. We asked what she wanted to name her future brother or sister.
Peanut. That's what Landree named our sweet angel baby. Every single day, every meal of the day Landree would pray for Peanut. When she could tell I would upset, somehow she would keenly know that mommy needed to stop and pray.

The day we found out about our loss, we told Landree. We didn't want to hide it from her because she could sense that something was up with us. It is a reality of this world we live in. We simply told her that "God wanted them more, so Peanut went to live in Heaven with God and Jesus." Her first response was that she wanted to there with Peanut, but then she understood that she will have an angel to watch over her. The thought that my child is sitting next to Jesus is frankly overwhelmingly comforting.

The days since then have been interesting. The first few days were filled with relief. Relief that this sweet baby was finally pain free and that my body could heal. Relief that God always knows what is best even though we may not. Relief that God answered my biggest prayer, peace.

Tears have come and gone. Oddly enough the tears come when I don't expect it. Songs, memories, and thinking about never nursing again were the triggers. Erick hardly ever saw me upset. I think I just went through the motions of life as normal . I wondered why I didn't have that cry reaction and my aunt Missy reminded me that "I'm a Stokes" that's why. My grandma Ruth had been through so much loss in her life and she just kept putting one foot in front of the other. It always stays in the back of my mind.

I never realized how raw the pain is even years later. I can't even begin to count the number of people that have came forward and shared their stories with me. Some with one angel baby, some with ten, and everywhere in between. The love of those angels never ceases. There will always be questions of what if's and whys.

Throughout everything, I refused to keep quiet. I wanted people to know that the pain, struggle, and fight are very real.The tears flow, prayers go unanswered the way we think they should, and you question God. But, that the need for my faith first, spouse second, and village third are the most important. That it's OK to process in your own way and not to perceive how you think you should respond to a situation.

Currently, I have more pregnant friends then I can count. Some days it's rough to hear the stories, but I keep praying. I know that most of these women have walked in my shoes and are so deserving of these rainbow babies. I will get there -- in God's time. Is it weird to think the hardest part about it all is thinking I may never get to nurse again? I never realized how much I cherished those 15 months, no matter how many nights I just wanted to sleep.

Throughout everything, my husband prayed us through it. Hearing him tear up while trying to be strong for me was one of the hardest things I'll ever hear, but he just kept praying. From that moment, he told me he hasn't changed the dial from the Christian station. I would get so frustrated that he would make me sit in that car over and over frustrated at God with his "God knows best music" when frankly, I was pissed at this so called plan. He just keeps praising. God works in amazing ways.

If you are walking in my shoes, I'm praying for you daily. I'm praying for every single couple that feels this pain and just wants one answered prayer. I will never ever be the person that says your baby will come. I won't tell myself that either. I will remind you that God's plan is so much greater then we can even fathom. Pray through it. Every single time you feel like you are getting mad or frustrated or there's one more endless doctor appointment to find out "why" pray. Stop and pray. Drown your ears with praise and worship instead of the world that is trying to push you down. Be vocal. It is not bad or wrong what you are going though. Be mad and frustrated and angry. It's ok! You are normal! It's not faux pas to talk about it. You could be the light that someone needs to feel, you just have to be bold and listen if God is calling.

And just remember... it's not over yet.

Rest in Heaven Sweet Peanut 

The Start of a Painful Journey of Faith

It's been so long since the last time I wrote. I realized the last time that I wrote was one week before we found out we were expecting. It's amazing how much can change in a matter of two months.

Our pregnancy story is a weird one... and in a nutshell crazy. I was 5 days late. I wasn't testing positive but I just knew it wasn't right. My body is a little kooky but this was beyond. I took another test and left it on the counter. It tested negative. I threw it in the trash with a "what the hell is wrong with my body" and walked away. That night, something told me take out the trash and fish that test out. What did I see? A positive. A dark positive. I knew it had been plenty of time for that other to test positive. Apparently God's plan was a little different then mine. I SCREAMED "what the hell??" And our journey began... (I kept it classy in true Jill form.)

May 2nd, 2017 we were given news in a way we were expecting, but faithfully denying. Our sweet 11 week old fetus was going to become an angel baby. I was going to have an angel. I was speechless, but knew it was coming. Three weeks prior, we started having routine appointments and things just didn't seem right. When they say a mom's gut knows, they do. Trust it.  At our first appointment, it measured small, but Landree did too. No biggie, come back next week. The following week, we go back and the baby had grown some, but the heart beat was low. At that point the tech gave us a little heads up but she said as long as there is growth,  we are ok. Some babies just have lower heart beats.

Our third appointment came and our world was rocked. We came in and although I visibly saw the beating heart (and my God was it beautiful) the baby that should be measuring around 10 weeks was still only measuring 6.5. My gut told me it was done. I knew it. We were taken to the room with the doctor. She's truly an amazing Christian woman that is real with us. She is compassionate but doesn't sugar coat and I appreciate that about her. She delivered the news that although our sweet angel had a beating heart, it wasn't going to make it. I think I was numb and she was stunned my reaction wasn't different. At that point I was just trying to stare at the wall, pull it together and have some sense. We were offered another ultrasound which at first I took so they could confirm that the baby wasn't growing. Later on, I chose not to. God told it's not what I needed. I needed to remember that sweet baby's heart beating... and honestly it's the best decision I think I've made in my life. I called the doctor back and scheduled my D and C for the next week after confirming through blood work my numbers were indeed dropping

Our anniversary came and passed. We spent an amazing weekend in the Smokey Mountains and thank god it came when it did. We spent time as a family truly soaking up that time together. We didn't need to do anything fancy, we just needed to be together. We hiked, laughed, ate amazing food, and just lived spontaneously. God knew that I needed that. Our family prayed more in those weeks then we ever have. To hear your husband tearfully praying for your family is something you just never seem to get out of your mind.

Thursday I walked into the surgery terrified. Once you have a child any type of surgery can be terrifying. I can't imagine anyone else raising our sweet girl. Of all of the things happening, that scared me the most. The surgery passed in a flash (10 minutes to be exact) and I woke up staring at the clock.  I didn't know what to expect or how I would feel. I couldn't even cry I felt numb. It almost scared me how "good" I felt. Like God truly removed 3 weeks of incredible stress, fears, and  tears out of me. I felt like I had lost 10lbs and I couldn't believe it. Through it all, I never actually prayed for God to save this sweet baby. I prayed for his peace and grace to get through this moment. More then anything, I needed to feel his grace and His arms wrapped around me. It's a void no human can fill. I have never known a peace like this. I can't even begin to describe it. I will say for those wondering because many have asked, before anything was started the doctor DID do another ultrasound pre-surgery just in case anything had changed. I consider myself blessed that I didn't have to see it.

Tomorrow I'll share the month after and where our family is going from here.  To any families that may read this or are going through it... you aren't alone. I share my journey because God says it's time and he knows it will be therapeutic for my soul. I'll never know why he brought us here, but I know it's for Him to use we just keep walking the journey.