The past few months have been challenging. The past few months have been filled with poking, prodding, tears, arguments, and decisions.
So many people have been asking recently when we are going to have another baby. Some good friends, some that barely know us, and some random people that feel it's their job to insert their opinion. And the personal favorite of mine, oh are you pregnant?
When asking... have you ever stopped to think that maybe it's not in the cards? Or that you just asked someone that has been trying for months but hasn't had success? Or quite possibly that it was someone that found out it may never happen.
They are such simple statements often meant in love. "Oh they are moving out of the way for the next." "Oh, she's three? Do you really want them that far apart?" (PS. My brother and I are 6 years apart, it's not a crime or sin to have your children far apart-- we survived and have a wonderful relationship.)
I think few realize how hurtful these statements can truly be. How someone's heart can be filled with so much anger because God isn't answering prayer and people have to ask... why aren't you popping out another one yet?
Just. Don't. Ask. It isn't your body. It isn't your family. It isn't your life. I know the intent is good, but please don't ask. To some, it's heart breaking every single time they have to answer, not now... or probably not. When you are in a struggle of faith, the last thing you want is someone to question it.
Erick and I have in fact been trying. I have been given the diagnosis of PCOS along this interesting journey, which in fact explains why I've had the overall struggles. I've cried more times then I can count, but also been strangely in tune with God and his plan. Who am I to go against The Great Creator's plan? And honestly, it's no one's business.
I looked at Erick recently and just said... I'm done. I'm with the sticks, I'm done with the poking, I'm done with thinking I have to just "do it" because I'm on some cycle. That is insanity to me. I stopped enjoying life! I'm not saying that it's wrong for anyone to do that. How could I when I did it myself? But, when it was literally giving me anxiety, it's time to let go and let God. If I trust him in the amazing times, it's my true humbling test of testing him in the trials.
A beautiful women named Tabbatha Yates spoke at our church Connect2 this past weekend. One verse struck a cord with me and I knew after hearing it, I had to tell our story.
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. -- 1 Peter 1:6 NLT.
I am so blessed. Blessed beyond measure that God chose me to be this sweet girl's mother, but too stressed to embrace this little peanut. I was focusing what the didn't have instead of the incredible blessing I do have.. because I was asked so many times and felt pressure... and failed. Hearing these words revived my heart. We did an activity where we nailed things to the cross that have been on our hearts. My goodness was it a powerful cleansing of my soul.
It truly may not be in our cards to have another. Or, maybe I'll find out tomorrow. It's God choice, not others to pressure us into when it's going to happen or that it SHOULD happen because Landree NEEDS a sibling.
The next time you have it on your heart (unless you know them well!) take a moment before asking. Take a moment to pray before you say something to family. You don't know their story. You don't know if they have tried for months and spent their last dime on fertility or if adding another would cause too much financial strain. You don't know if the mom nearly died trying to have her last child and she lives in fear. Or, they flat out only want that number of children!!
Finally, friends and family if you have asked, there are NO hard feelings whatsoever. I know that you love Erick and I and only want the best for us. If it's in God's timing, I'll be updating with exciting news! Until then, I cuddle Landree a little tighter, cherish every moment, and tune out all of the opinions!! Until then, just keeping sending the prayers our way for God's will. My goodness is his plan so much greater then The Hartley's plan!
(Photo Courtesy of Erika Dawson)
